(no subject)

[evolutionaryimperative]

After their tryst inside of his shop, he did not show up at her club again. But he had ended up another club that evening and on the news the next morning was the report of missing blonde stripper, this one named Nikki Sanders. They reported to once again having no leads to the murderer. And as far as he was concerned, they would never have any leads. He was too careful to get caught.

But that was another issue for another time. For now he had changed out of his work clothes and into a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt. On his way he stopped by one of his favorite take out places and got them some Chinese food. He figured they might as well have some food to eat while they made fun of bad TV together.

It was...nice spending time with Elle, and not just because they ended up having sex so often (although that was nice as well). It had been so long since he had just enjoyed someone else's company. It was a nice indulgence even if he knew it could probably never go any farther than it already had. If she knew anything about what he was really like, it would all be over. And he really didn't want to have to kill her.

He made his way to Elle's apartment from his car and stopped outside the door. He brought his hand up and knocked, waiting for her answer.

Comments

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She frowned at that, for the first time noticed the tenseness in his shoulders when she heard the strange tone to his voice. Her original question faded; she shifted a little, her eyes straining the see his expression, but she couldn't. "Is everything okay?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I'm..." He didn't want to use the word fine. She would just get angry and things might escalate and he couldn't allow that right now. Not when he felt so out of control of himself. And it wasn't just because of the booze, there was something more, something dark churning inside of him. "I don't know how to explain it." Were the words he finally settled on.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She nibbled her lips with her teeth, shifted a little to see his face better futilely. Her fingers stroked into his hair, tickled the nape of his neck. She felt worried. For someone else. It hurt a little, and she didn't know why, and she was too out of it to realize she hadn't cared about someone besides herself in a long time, not like this.

"You could try," she whispered.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I don't know where to start." Maybe it was the alcohol making him feel so vulnerable all of the sudden, he wasn't sure. But it was true. He really didn't know where he was supposed to start. What to say to make any of it make sense.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Her breath came out shaky with the force of his words, and she thought maybe whatever he was thinking was too much for her when her vision was swimming, her stomach was suddenly twisting in nervousness. She thought back to all the secrets she knew he was hiding, just like hers, and felt a little sick and clung to him just a little tighter.

"The beginning?" she suggested, clenching her eyes shut.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"It's too much," he insisted. And in his drunken haze, that seemed especially true. He had forgotten how to just...open up to someone. Not that he could open up anyways. His secrets were secrets for a reason. "If you knew what I was really like you would turn and run."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

The words were spoken with such conviction that she felt fear start to clutch at her, swallow her breath. Or maybe that was just the memories started to pull her under, her mind fraying under the strain. She felt like if she let him go she might fall all apart. Snap. "You would turn and run from me, too," she whispered. "Maybe we're just even."

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Maybe." He whispered softly. Maybe she was right. He doubted it though. He was sure whatever was inside of him was worse. The darkness coiling inside and devouring him. How long would he really be able to keep it at bay around her.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"Can we go to bed now?" she whispered, closing her eyes with a shaky breath. She didn't want to talk about this. She didn't even care if they fucked like rabbits or just went to sleep. But her head was heavy and her thoughts were dark and poisonous and she didn't like it, and she didn't want him to leave, let her go, any of it.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He was afraid to move. He was afraid he'd shove her away and run off, leave, do something he'd regret. He couldn't focus his thoughts. He just nodded numbly. Bed. Sleep could be good. He doubted he could sleep though. Not right now.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She sighed a little at his gentle nod, and somehow found the strength to uncurl her arms from their firm grasp, lay back against the cushions. Her hands lifted to cup his face, pull him from her neck.

She was afraid of what she'd see on his face, maybe.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He wanted to avoid her gaze as she lifted his face. He felt vulnerable, exposed somehow. Like she could see everything, all of his dark thoughts and desires, the things that would make her eventually turn away from him. The things she could never know.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

He didn't meet her eyes, but that didn't mean she didn't see them. Didn't see the endless depth to them--the pain, the numbness, the blankness, the harsh, gripping hunger that made her breath catch. Her thumbs rubbed along his cheeks, and she felt herself sinking a little deeper into him, into the unguarded lines of his face, trembling just a little.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"If you knew...you would never want to see me again," He whispered softly, his eyes finally meeting hers as they burned through him. He hadn't even meant to say them, they just spilled out of his lips without thought. He wanted to take them back, stuff them inside himself along with everything else he kept from her.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She shook her head, just slightly, locked into his gaze. She couldn't look away if she wanted to. As it was, she could barely breathe. And maybe she didn't want to see his eyes anymore, face the demons there. They were familiar--rabid and sickening vicious.

Her pupils dilated, her eyes widened, her lips parted as she tried to breathe. Maybe she had drank too much, because she felt like the room was spinning and they were so still.

What was she supposed to say? The truth? For once.

She couldn't think of anything else.

"I want to see you all the time."

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"You wouldn't say that," He gasped out, feeling desperate and out of control and he didn't know how he started to feel this way or how to stop it, he just...felt too much right now.

He could see it in her eyes too. Darkness, twistedness, something that just wasn't right. But he was sure that it wasn't the same. It wasn't as bad.

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what I was really like."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"What are you really like?" she murmured softly, gently, her voice more soothing than when she pretended to care. She did care, now, right? And she wanted to know, stroking her fingers up and down his cheeks, as if her touch could coax it out of him.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"You don't want to know, trust me," He whispered softly. Her fingers trailed against his cheeks, making him feel sick to his stomach. He didn't deserve this tenderness.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I just want you," she murmured after a silence, pulled herself up to kiss his lips. Isn't that what he said before? He wanted everything she was willing to give. Maybe it could work both ways.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

It was enough and not enough all at the same time. He kissed her back almost desperately, trying to will himself to get lost in it. To forget everything else. To forget how she wouldn't want him if she only knew.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She would. She was sure of it. What could be worse than what was in her? All that rage and violence and sadistic pleasure coiled up inside of her? All that pain, the dirtiness that crept under her skin. Would he kiss her like this, hold her so tightly if he knew how tainted she was, straight to her very core?

Maybe. Maybe not. She told herself it didn't matter, opening her lips to his searching kiss, gasping as she pressed against him, kissed him back just as fervently.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Promise me," He whispered softly against her lips, his hands gripping at her hair a little desperately, a little too tightly. "Promise me that no matter what you find out about me, no matter what happens, you won't hate me."

Maybe hearing it would be enough. Enough to soothe away everything else.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Her breath caught at the harshness of his hands, the rawness of his voice. How could she say no? She didn't want to say no; she didn't want to hate him. He was all she had. Besides herself. Besides that apartment. Besides her job, the memories that haunted her.

"I promise," she gasped, wishing she wouldn't regret it later.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Good. I'll be holding you to those words," He whispered darkly before capturing her lips for another kiss. As long as he had her, maybe the rest would be okay.

Maybe if he had her, he could learn how to stop.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She had never heard his voice like that--so low, so commanding and dark. The words boiled in her stomach, filled her up with unease. All she could do was kiss him back.