(no subject)

[evolutionaryimperative]

They got together on most of Elle's nights off now, usually at her apartment. They had tried going out for dinner once, but it had ended up being more awkward than anything else, really. Talking to one another still wasn't their strong point. At least if they were at her apartment, they could give up on the pretenses of dinner and conversation more easily. Which is often what ended up happening. Gabriel doubted that was normal, but then again there was little about their relationship (was it a relationship? they had never labeled it formally as such, but it was beginning to feel like one) that was normal to begin with.

Still, the last week or two had been nice. Almost too nice. He felt restless from it, on nights where he wasn't with her he usually stayed at his apartment, locked up in his solitude, plotting his next move. A few nights ago he had went to a strip club he hadn't been to yet, and another blond, Daphne Milbrook, showed up missing on the news a few days later. The official report was that there was a serial killer in their midst, and most of the clubs were beefing up their security because of it. Not that he minded. He liked a challenge. It helped quell that darkness inside of his head. That darkness that threatened to ruin everything. After all, Elle could never know what he truly was, what he was truly like. She would never accept him. Even though she had promised to never hate him, he wondered if that was really true, if she could even keep a promise like that.

But all of that was pushed into the back of his mind (as much as it ever could be)as he knocked on the door of her apartment, a pizza in his other hand to add to all the other dinners they never ate much of. He was dressed like he normally did outside of work, black jeans and a black button down shirt, complete with his worn leather jacket. His hair was slightly gelled and spiked. The glasses, vest and ties were all at home, tucked away in his closet. They were just a costume, this was who he really was.

Or as close to it as he could ever show her, at any rate.

Comments

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

Oh.

Oh.

It was beginning to occur to him that maybe there was a bigger issue going on here, and that he was brushing it off.

"I'm sorry."

And he was. And the last thing he wanted to do was start fighting with her again.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

If it were possible, she felt even worse. Even angrier. The weight on her chest closed in a little tighter, and it made her notice it, notice the lump in her throat and how her eyes were stinging for the first time. It was stupid. And it was a long time ago. And she didn't even know what stupid impulse made her bring it up in the first place.

"Why?" she shot back accusingly. "Why are you sorry?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I didn't mean to just...brush you off. You were trying to tell me something important, weren't you?"

And in all honesty, he just hadn't realized it right at first, when she had mentioned the one tight she had tried it. She wouldn't have brought it up it weren't a bigger issue, right?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"No," she denied, glaring off into space. Happy he couldn't see her face. "Just--no," she lied. "Forget it."

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"..Fine. We'll forget about it. We'll forget I even brought it up."

He didn't push, because it wasn't fair. He never told her anything so how could he push? It was upsetting her, clearly, so it was best...to just not talk about it anymore, right?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

His easy acquiescence to her request just twisted the knife further, plunged it deeper. Even though that what she said she wanted. She couldn't logically expect him to push. To care enough to keep asking. They never talked anyway. And she didn't want to.

But it hurt, when it should have relieved her. Her breath was shallow and her chest heaved with those little breaths. She stayed silent for a moment, two. And then pushed away from him suddenly and quick, sliding off the bed and walking to the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower," she announced, her voice rough and hoarse.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

That rawness in her voice was enough to push him past his usual position not to push. He got up from the bed and walked over to her, grabbing her hand.

"What's wrong?" Because clearly...there was something he was missing here. Something he wasn't getting. And he didn't like not understanding things. He especially didn't want to not understand her. And maybe it was unfair to ask her this when he never volunteered anything of himself but he never claimed to be fair.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She couldn't remember a time when she had felt so small. No, that was a lie. She remember plenty of times feeling small and useless and powerless. But it hadn't happened for a while, and all her efforts and tough exterior were to thank for that. There was a reason she was alone. A reason she had no friends. His touch made her recoil into herself like a wounded animal, her head bowed and her shoulders hunched. She couldn't even lift her head out of fear he'd see the truth there. The humiliated, angry tears.

She couldn't remember the last time she had cried.

"Nothing," she whispered in a uneven voice. "Can I take my shower now?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"You're lying to me," He said evenly, not letting go of her hand, of her just yet. Maybe it was the shift of their relationship, the fact that it was a relationship now but he couldn't just let it go like he would have before. He didn't want to.

It scared him how much he wanted to help her. How much it hurt him to watch her act like that. He wanted to kill whoever did this to her, whoever damaged her like this.

"What's going on?" He pushed.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"Nothing," she repeated, this time fiercely, and this time her voice cracked. She felt a tear drop to the ground and hoped with every fiber of her being he didn't see it splash and soak into the carpet. She felt herself shaking like she did when she was younger. Felt her body seize up in reaction; her jaw tighten so hard it hurt. She couldn't breathe, and she was afraid to. Her body started to shut down; she felt that numbness spread across her chest and dry her tears. She was thankful for it.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He did see it, and without giving it much more thought he pulled her into an embrace, holding her tightly. As if that could make things okay somehow. He didn't know what he was supposed to do though. He was used to knowing what to do, but he felt like he was at a lost here.

"It's not nothing."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"It's nothing," she whispered, denied until the very end. It was the only way. Only way she could get through anything; she was sure of it. But her eyes closed, her arms encircling his waist and clinging to the back of his shoulders. She leaned against him, buried her face into his chest. That was soothing. That helped. Chased all the bad stuff away.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"It's not if it does this to you," He whispered softly, running his fingers through her hair soothingly. At the very least, he could do this for her.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine," she murmured, her body slumping against him, depending on his strength to hold her almost completely. She'd never been... held like this. And she was fine. She was numb, so nothing could touch her. Secure in his arms. It was more than she'd ever had before, and it was enough.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He decided it was best, in the long run, not to argue with her. Instead he juts held her, threading his fingers through Elle's hair. He wasn't sure what else he was supposed to, honestly.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

There was nothing else she would have wanted. Needed. Could possibly articulate and ask for. At least she was wrong. He cared enough to push, to want to know. Just like she thought to want and push sometimes, too. "I'm tired," she whispered, turning her head to rest her cheek on his chest.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Let's go back to bed," He murmured softly, waiting for her response. Maybe she would still want that shower, but more than anything, after everything they had hashed through tonight, sleep sounded better than anything else to him right now.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She didn't want that shower. She hadn't really wanted it in the first place, and all she wanted to do was sleep, too. Just lie down with him and rest. In the morning she would be normal; she knew it. She just needed time. Time to lay still. She felt like maybe it wouldn't touch her that way; it would go away.

She nodded then with a sigh, reluctant to let him go.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He carefully led her back to the bed now, tugging her down with him as he lied down. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

He couldn't shake the fact that no matter what, things had change between them now, and not just in title. Things felt different, suddenly. More intense, more real. More fragile.