(no subject)

[evolutionaryimperative]

The next morning Sylar had gotten up and called Mohinder, delighting himself as he told the Indian man about how they had massacred Matt and Janice. (Scandanlizing Mohinder was still one of his favorite pasttimes). Mohind agreed to come get Matty as soon as Sylar gave him this ultimatum: "Either come pick him up, or Elle and I am going to raise him as our own little protege."

Mohinder had quickly told him he would there and then hung up.

Meanwhile, the serial killer was currently in the kitchen, heating up a bottle of milk. Matty had woken up a while ago, crying and hungry. It was almost strange how easily Sylar slipped into the role of changing diapers and burping the kid and just generally taking care of it. He told himself it was just residual feelings from having been stuck in Matt for so long.

Comments

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She looked away, both troubled and confused, to some spot next to him, parting her lips to breathe in measured, wavering breaths, her eyes finally returning to his. "Do you--do you want to be Gabriel again?" she asked, trying to make sense of his arms tightening around her, of why he'd brought her back.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Not exactly," He muttered softly. Because he didn't want to be just Gabriel. Gabriel was weak, the part of himself that was much easier to manipulate. "But I can't deny that he's part of me either. The more I tried to separate myself, I lost myself."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"So you brought me back," she murmured. "For what? To fix it?" To fix himself? Her stomach turned, because even when he'd said in the car it was because he cared about her, she hadn't believed a word of it. She was still afraid of being a tool for him. Something that he wanted around to make him feel better.

When would he change his mind again, like he had before? And here she was, almost trusting him again. Was she an idiot?

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Partly," He admitted softly. There was no reason to lie to her about things. "But the reason why I brought you back and didn't just try to find someone else to be my anchor was because I love you." He felt her tense up in his arms and he felt sick. What was he supposed to do? Was he being too honest? Not honest enough? He was at a loss.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Those words again. They made feel hollow every time they passed his lips. Like someone had gutted her and sewed her back up with a smile. Would she ever believe them? Ever feel anything but an agonizing hopeful pang she forced herself to squash?

"That wasn't enough before," she said simply, hardening herself. "Just because you want it now, doesn't mean you won't change your mind later."

And that's what it was, wasn't it? She flicked her blank gaze down to his neck, and stared. It was why she'd wanted him to prove he loved her, because it wasn't only about love. It was about trust.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I know better than I did before," He almost hissed in response, tensing up himself now; his shoulders knotted together. "I'm not going to kill you again, Elle. And if you can't believe me, if you can't trust me, then why are you here with me?"

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," she whispered. For some reason, his anger just made her shrink further into herself, or maybe it was because of his sudden, fierce promise. He sounded like he meant it, and that was too scary for her to dwell on right now. Believing him was dangerous. She laid there instead, limp in his arms, not wanting to fight, to talk anymore.

She didn't know why she was there, why she hadn't just left the moment he gave her the opportunity. And she'd had so many afterward, too. She didn't know what chained her so tightly to him.

She couldn't think of those words.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Well, maybe you should figure that out," He murmured, pulling away from her now and getting out of the bed. From the corner of his eyes he saw the laptop, still open to the page with all the stuff they had talked about buying together.

How had they gone from that to this so quickly? He didn't even know.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She wanted to grab at him to keep him there, but she hadn't the strength, and he was already gone anyway. It wasn't until a moment later that she felt angry at his suggestion--why should she feel guilty for giving him a non-answer? How dare he think she should owe him anything after everything he did to her?

It surged in her chest, and she reached over to shut the laptop too hard, because she couldn't stand to look at all the things they wanted to buy together, to use. What was she thinking? There was no them, and that shouldn't hurt so badly. But it did, so hard she ached, and she dragged herself off the bed and padded into the bathroom.

The tub was big and she immediately curled up inside, turning the water on hot and letting it fill up. Her back was stinging and so were her thighs, her breasts, and her neck was scabbed over. The water just made them burn like coals, like little painful reminders that she'd told him she was his.

She wasn't.

So why was she crying?

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He actually didn't think she owed him anything, not in this instance. He had said that mostly because he felt like she needed to figure it out for herself. He knew what he wanted, but she clearly didn't. Neither one of them were going to be happy until she got that sorted out.

He stopped at the baby's room. Matty was still sleeping. Probably for the best.

He made his way out to the living room, lying down on the couch with a sigh. Sometimes it seemed like she hated him. Why did she stay? His heart ached and he didn't know what to do with it. He had forgotten what it was like to actually care what someone else thought about him. He didn't like it.

He turned the TV on, flipping it to the news. He wasn't paying attention to it, at all, but it was good to have background noise. Something to distract himself with.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Eventually, she had to stop, had to quell her sobbing breaths and soft cries. She uncurled herself and laid back into the burning water, eyes closed and head under water, washing off her tears. She liked the world like this, muddled and far away. It was peaceful, and a blanket of exhaustion swept over her. She merely rose to the surface for air and sunk down again, over and over. Until the water got cold, and her open cuts started to itch.

She thought maybe she knew why she was here. Maybe she should tell him. Maybe not even murder could kill how she felt about him. How she'd always felt about him.

All she really knew as she got up, shivering in the cold air and patting herself down, was that maybe she chose to be here for one simple reason.

Being alone was starting to drive her mad, starting to rouse up thoughts she couldn't think, so she grabbed a light blanket from the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders, walking quietly out of the bedroom.

She followed the sound of the television to the living room, and stopped at the threshold for a moment, her eyes red and hesitant at his reclined form. If he looked that bad, so blank and emotionless, she couldn't imagine what she looked like, dripping and puffy-eyed.

She padded over, eyes on the ground, on his chest, anywhere but his face as she crawled on top of him again, resting her head on his chest. She just want him to hold her for a little while.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He was so out of it, lost in his own thoughts and worries that he didn't even notice the sound of the shower shutting off or her making her way out into the living room. He was normally more observant to things like that.

But he did notice when she there was suddenly a weight on him and he looked up, seeing Elle there. He almost instinctually wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. He didn't say anything. Anything he said was just going to make things worse.

Because he always seemed to just make things worse.

He still had no idea why she stayed with him, why she didn't just leave, but he was glad she didn't.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Her eyes closed; she sighed in relief as he embraced her. There was something about his arms that warmed her, calmed her, grounded her. It made it easier to find the air, the courage to speak after a few moments. "I want to be with you," she whispered.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

His chest untightened as she spoke, filling him with a small rush of relief. "Good," He murmured softly, pressing a soft kiss against her lips. "I'm glad to hear that."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She had promised herself she would stop crying, but his gentle, accepting kiss stirred her tears. "I'm so scared to believe you." The words tumbled out, thick and pained. "I want to love you."

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

His stomach ached as she cried, causing him the bring a hand up to carefully brush away some of her tears. He didn't know what to say in response to that, so he just remained silent.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She leaned into his touch, hot streams of tears leaving her with each blink, and she tried through her blurring vision to keep her eyes on his. Until the heaving cries in her chest were too much to suppress, and she clutched at him, dropping her head to bury her face into his neck, her body shaking. "Gabriel," she sobbed.

Maybe if she let it out, maybe she would be okay.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He ran his fingers through her hair, trying his best to comfort and console her. He still didn't say anything. His words has a tendency to just fuck things up between them, most of the time.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She cried hard, her lungs tight and her chest breaking under the pressure of each wracking sob. She cried until she was too exhausted to even lift her head from his shoulder, until her face was soaked and disgusting, until she couldn't breathe past her running nose. And then she finally, slowly stopped, sucking in breath through her parted lips, sniffing quietly.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He continued to run his fingers through her wet hair, trying to give her some kind of comfort. Once she stopped crying, he offered her an awkward smile, trying to bright the mood. "I wish that wanting to be with me didn't upset you so much."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She laughed hoarsely, quietly at the lame joke. Usually he was better at them. She appreciated the effort though, and she rose her hand to push back his long locks, too. "You have a big penis, so we can call it even," she joked gently.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Sounds fair enough," He laughed, leaning in to brush his lips playfully against hers. "Besides, you'd miss me, or at the very least, my big penis."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I'd miss you and your big penis very much," she said, and even though it was in a joking nature, she was sincere. She would miss him. Her fingers slid down to caress his lips, and she smiled softly.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

His tongue darted out playfully against her fingers and he was about to respond when he heard the door bell ring. He carefully sat Elle down onto the couch before getting up to answer the door.

He did not bother putting pants or any other articles of clothes on first. He had no shame over his body. Plus, if it was who he thought it was, he wanted to make them uncomfortable a little.

He opened the door, offering a devious smirk to Mohinder. "Mohinder, it's been far too long since I've last gotten the chance to see you."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Well, this sucked. Not that she really minded that was only wearing a blanket, but she probably looked like absolute hell, and now the couch was all cold without Sylar. She sat up, pouting and immediately dropping the warm cloth to rearrange her awful hair. "Nice timing, Fight Club," she muttered angrily at the shell-shocked, hovering doctor. His wide eyes roamed straight from Sylar, to his penis (with a gulp), and then over to her.