(no subject)

[evolutionaryimperative]

They got together on most of Elle's nights off now, usually at her apartment. They had tried going out for dinner once, but it had ended up being more awkward than anything else, really. Talking to one another still wasn't their strong point. At least if they were at her apartment, they could give up on the pretenses of dinner and conversation more easily. Which is often what ended up happening. Gabriel doubted that was normal, but then again there was little about their relationship (was it a relationship? they had never labeled it formally as such, but it was beginning to feel like one) that was normal to begin with.

Still, the last week or two had been nice. Almost too nice. He felt restless from it, on nights where he wasn't with her he usually stayed at his apartment, locked up in his solitude, plotting his next move. A few nights ago he had went to a strip club he hadn't been to yet, and another blond, Daphne Milbrook, showed up missing on the news a few days later. The official report was that there was a serial killer in their midst, and most of the clubs were beefing up their security because of it. Not that he minded. He liked a challenge. It helped quell that darkness inside of his head. That darkness that threatened to ruin everything. After all, Elle could never know what he truly was, what he was truly like. She would never accept him. Even though she had promised to never hate him, he wondered if that was really true, if she could even keep a promise like that.

But all of that was pushed into the back of his mind (as much as it ever could be)as he knocked on the door of her apartment, a pizza in his other hand to add to all the other dinners they never ate much of. He was dressed like he normally did outside of work, black jeans and a black button down shirt, complete with his worn leather jacket. His hair was slightly gelled and spiked. The glasses, vest and ties were all at home, tucked away in his closet. They were just a costume, this was who he really was.

Or as close to it as he could ever show her, at any rate.

Comments

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It always got worse. Relationships. They started bad and got worse and ended bad. It wasn't even a cynical thought; it was true. It would be easier if they were just like they were before: fuck buddies. Only hardly the 'buddies' part at all. But they weren't now. And it was scary how now that she'd had him she didn't want to ruin it. As if it wouldn't end ruined anyway.

He was making her soft. Too soft. Soft enough to turn over, avoiding his eyes as she nestled close and deep into his side. Soft enough to be scared he'd pull away.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

There was a relief in his chest, as she curled up next to him. He found himself releasing a breath he didn't realize he had been holding as he pulled her close to him now, wrapping his arms around her her.

"Let's just forget the fight even happened," He murmured softly. It didn't matter now. He couldn't let it matter, let it infest and poison his mind like these sorts of things always did.

Even though he knew they'd probably get to the same end his relationships always came to, he really wanted to think it could be different. Somehow.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Her eyes closed to savor the warmth of his arms wrapping around her, and she finally relaxed, turning her nose into the crook of his neck to nuzzle his pulse in relief and penance. "Okay," she whispered, and then fell quiet for a hesitating moment. "I like the way you touch me," she assured him.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I'm glad," He whispered quietly, brushing his fingers gently through her hair. "I like touching you." Which was an understatement he felt almost addicted to the sensation of her skin, her curves, her hair, everything about her. No matter what, it wasn't enough. He always wanted more.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I never faked it or anything," she added, only a slight smile in her voice. One of her hands rubbed his chest, her shoulder shifting up further at the closeness of his fingers. "You don't need any lessons. Maybe a pointer or two, but nothing to bitch about," she said lightly, apologetically.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Is there anything you've wanted me to try?" He asked curiously now as his fingers continued to comb through her hair gently. It was much easier to ask about when it didn't feel like she was attacking him.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She was smirking now, shuddering lightly at the soft trail of his fingertips against her scalp. "In due time," she answered playfully. "We could go... slower sometimes. It could fun. Torturing each other," she said sweetly. "What about you? Anything you want from little ol' me?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I think I could manage slower," He said with a growing smirk of his own. It just felt so comfortable now, as if the fight had never happened.

He paused for a moment, thoughtful. There were things he had always wanted to try, but been too afraid to ask for. He wondered if it would be okay now. He supposed there was only one way to find out.

"Would you let me tie you up?"

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It wasn't as if it was the first time someone asked her the question. And it still grabbed hold of her insides and twisted until she was nauseous. She'd been tied up before. Held down. It was easy to ignore the less pleasant memories that filled her with shame. She had practice doing that, and all that was left was the turning of her stomach in reminder. "I don't know," she said flatly. "What would you do to me?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

The flat tone of voice made him a little nervous. Like maybe he shouldn't have mentioned it. He remembered only mentioning to one girl in the past, and she had freaked out about it. It hadn't ended well.

"It depends. It doesn't have to be much, it could be something simple, like that time you had me spank you."

Start out with something she's already comfortable with.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I guess," she said, just as flatly. She couldn't help the gut reaction. The hesitation and the part of her that downright refused to do it. But... she had let him spank her. Her eyes closed for a moment, her breath going a little shallow, remembering how good the stinging pain had felt as he fucked her. "The last time I let someone tie me up it wasn't fun," she confessed vaguely, her tone guarded and accusing.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"We don't have to do it," He said, though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed. "Or we could set up rules, if that would make you more comfortable. A safe word or something so that if you get too uncomfortable, we can stop."

Because what it really came down to was trust, right?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

His words just roused her up more--again. Her cheeks filled with blood and flushed pink, and it was more out of embarrassment than anything. Shame she couldn't even do the simplest of things. That she had to--that she was even explaining something personal to him and feeling like he brushed it off and threw it back in her face. She had to protect herself. "Yeah well, safe words can be ignored," she snapped back, hurt.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

Oh.

Oh.

It was beginning to occur to him that maybe there was a bigger issue going on here, and that he was brushing it off.

"I'm sorry."

And he was. And the last thing he wanted to do was start fighting with her again.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

If it were possible, she felt even worse. Even angrier. The weight on her chest closed in a little tighter, and it made her notice it, notice the lump in her throat and how her eyes were stinging for the first time. It was stupid. And it was a long time ago. And she didn't even know what stupid impulse made her bring it up in the first place.

"Why?" she shot back accusingly. "Why are you sorry?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I didn't mean to just...brush you off. You were trying to tell me something important, weren't you?"

And in all honesty, he just hadn't realized it right at first, when she had mentioned the one tight she had tried it. She wouldn't have brought it up it weren't a bigger issue, right?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"No," she denied, glaring off into space. Happy he couldn't see her face. "Just--no," she lied. "Forget it."

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"..Fine. We'll forget about it. We'll forget I even brought it up."

He didn't push, because it wasn't fair. He never told her anything so how could he push? It was upsetting her, clearly, so it was best...to just not talk about it anymore, right?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

His easy acquiescence to her request just twisted the knife further, plunged it deeper. Even though that what she said she wanted. She couldn't logically expect him to push. To care enough to keep asking. They never talked anyway. And she didn't want to.

But it hurt, when it should have relieved her. Her breath was shallow and her chest heaved with those little breaths. She stayed silent for a moment, two. And then pushed away from him suddenly and quick, sliding off the bed and walking to the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower," she announced, her voice rough and hoarse.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

That rawness in her voice was enough to push him past his usual position not to push. He got up from the bed and walked over to her, grabbing her hand.

"What's wrong?" Because clearly...there was something he was missing here. Something he wasn't getting. And he didn't like not understanding things. He especially didn't want to not understand her. And maybe it was unfair to ask her this when he never volunteered anything of himself but he never claimed to be fair.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She couldn't remember a time when she had felt so small. No, that was a lie. She remember plenty of times feeling small and useless and powerless. But it hadn't happened for a while, and all her efforts and tough exterior were to thank for that. There was a reason she was alone. A reason she had no friends. His touch made her recoil into herself like a wounded animal, her head bowed and her shoulders hunched. She couldn't even lift her head out of fear he'd see the truth there. The humiliated, angry tears.

She couldn't remember the last time she had cried.

"Nothing," she whispered in a uneven voice. "Can I take my shower now?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"You're lying to me," He said evenly, not letting go of her hand, of her just yet. Maybe it was the shift of their relationship, the fact that it was a relationship now but he couldn't just let it go like he would have before. He didn't want to.

It scared him how much he wanted to help her. How much it hurt him to watch her act like that. He wanted to kill whoever did this to her, whoever damaged her like this.

"What's going on?" He pushed.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"Nothing," she repeated, this time fiercely, and this time her voice cracked. She felt a tear drop to the ground and hoped with every fiber of her being he didn't see it splash and soak into the carpet. She felt herself shaking like she did when she was younger. Felt her body seize up in reaction; her jaw tighten so hard it hurt. She couldn't breathe, and she was afraid to. Her body started to shut down; she felt that numbness spread across her chest and dry her tears. She was thankful for it.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He did see it, and without giving it much more thought he pulled her into an embrace, holding her tightly. As if that could make things okay somehow. He didn't know what he was supposed to do though. He was used to knowing what to do, but he felt like he was at a lost here.

"It's not nothing."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"It's nothing," she whispered, denied until the very end. It was the only way. Only way she could get through anything; she was sure of it. But her eyes closed, her arms encircling his waist and clinging to the back of his shoulders. She leaned against him, buried her face into his chest. That was soothing. That helped. Chased all the bad stuff away.