(no subject)

[evolutionaryimperative]

They got together on most of Elle's nights off now, usually at her apartment. They had tried going out for dinner once, but it had ended up being more awkward than anything else, really. Talking to one another still wasn't their strong point. At least if they were at her apartment, they could give up on the pretenses of dinner and conversation more easily. Which is often what ended up happening. Gabriel doubted that was normal, but then again there was little about their relationship (was it a relationship? they had never labeled it formally as such, but it was beginning to feel like one) that was normal to begin with.

Still, the last week or two had been nice. Almost too nice. He felt restless from it, on nights where he wasn't with her he usually stayed at his apartment, locked up in his solitude, plotting his next move. A few nights ago he had went to a strip club he hadn't been to yet, and another blond, Daphne Milbrook, showed up missing on the news a few days later. The official report was that there was a serial killer in their midst, and most of the clubs were beefing up their security because of it. Not that he minded. He liked a challenge. It helped quell that darkness inside of his head. That darkness that threatened to ruin everything. After all, Elle could never know what he truly was, what he was truly like. She would never accept him. Even though she had promised to never hate him, he wondered if that was really true, if she could even keep a promise like that.

But all of that was pushed into the back of his mind (as much as it ever could be)as he knocked on the door of her apartment, a pizza in his other hand to add to all the other dinners they never ate much of. He was dressed like he normally did outside of work, black jeans and a black button down shirt, complete with his worn leather jacket. His hair was slightly gelled and spiked. The glasses, vest and ties were all at home, tucked away in his closet. They were just a costume, this was who he really was.

Or as close to it as he could ever show her, at any rate.

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[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

That incensed her more than anything. His willingness. His incredulity at this entire situation. Something angry and awful lumped in her throat. "Just forget it, Gabriel," she shot out, her voice too uneven. Too emotional.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"No," He snapped. "I'm not just going to forget it. You don't get to flip out at me for no reason, Elle, and then tell me to just forget about it. I'm sorry but it doesn't quite work that way."

This was usually the part where they would change the subject and start making out again or something, because they both tried to avoid talking about any issues as much as possible but something felt different. Something had changed. He wasn't sure if it was because he thought of her as his actual girlfriend or what. He didn't know why his stomach was turned or why his hands were curled tightly around the sheets.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It did work that way. It always worked that way, and she stared at him wordlessly for a second too long, her shoulders relaxing just an inch from her lessening, blind rage. She felt it seeping away and didn't want it to. She needed to hold onto it, so she got up with sudden energy, walking to her dresser to much too violently pull a drawer open.

"It was a dumb argument. I'm tired," she announced, trying to sound forceful and angry, as if that would put an end to it. She pulled off her dress to replace in with a satiny tank top, tugging it down over her tummy.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"You're the one who started it," He muttered in annoyance, pulling off his pants and shirt, leaving him in his boxers and undershirt. Even though they were fighting, he still wanted to sleep here...which kind of bothered him. Wouldn't it just be easier to go home?

But if he went home he'd just be upset and unable to sleep and...he didn't want to go. It was simple and irrational but he just...didn't want to.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She didn't even bother questioning him getting ready for bed. Because she didn't think twice about it. He... always stayed over the nights he came over. Because he did, and it was just as much of a staple in her life as getting up and going to work lately.

Wordlessly, she walked around to the right side--her side--and climbed in under the cool covers, facing away from him, her lips pressed together and her eyes looking off into nothing. And the truth of the matter was she didn't want him to go. Just like that stupid first morning after, when he almost did and it hurt more than it should have.

She didn't want him to go, and she didn't want to be mad. She wasn't even mad anymore. Just confused and annoyed. "Yeah and Hitler killed Jews," she retorted sarcastically, shifting to get comfortable. "Good night."

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He wasn't really angry either as much as confused and frustrated. Weren't things supposed to be easier now, now that they knew what this relationship was? Why did it suddenly feel so much more complicated. It was annoying and stupid.

He got into his side of the bed and lied on his back, staring at the ceiling. It felt weird not holding her close like he normally did when they slept. This would be the first time they shared a bed without sex happening. He didn't know why that felt important or different, but it did.

He just sighed softly as she spoke, speaking in a clipped voice. "Good night, Elle."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It was nice, at least, feeling the bed dip with is weight. Knowing he was there. She closed her eyes even though they weren't heavy, letting out a deep, cleansing breath that did nothing to relax her.

She wasn't going to fall asleep any time soon. She knew that. Not with thoughts of their stupid fight and her... okay, it was an... overreaction. It was just a dumb, stupid... thing. And she knew if she could only go to bed everything would just be better and forgotten in the morning, right?

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He continued to lie there, feeling restless and more awake then ever. If he was home and felt like that he would get up and read or...something but that wasn't really an option there. He had to keep his thoughts calm and not obsess. The last thing he needed was for that other side of him to come out while he was with her.

It scared him, just how much he didn't want to hurt her.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It scared her, just how much she didn't want to fight. Even though sometimes it felt like that was all they ever did. But they'd been good about it the last few weeks. They had no problems, besides bad take-out.

It was the stupid... boyfriend-girlfriend thing. She frowned, rubbed her cheek into the pillow as if it held comfort to give. None of this would have happens if she had just kept her mouth shut. Now things were... different. On a whole higher level.

She wanted to forget about the last fifteen minutes. Just be able to roll over and let him hold her. Would that be enough? Maybe it would be enough for him to forget about it, too.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

He would be fine with just forgetting about it. He just wanted to hold her, more than anything else, but he didn't want her to lash out at him again either. So he just lied there, staring at the ceiling.

Everything had been going okay until they had had that whole boyfriend/girlfriend conversation. How could something like a label change things so much? Did making it official freak them both out so much? He thought it would have made things better, not worse.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It always got worse. Relationships. They started bad and got worse and ended bad. It wasn't even a cynical thought; it was true. It would be easier if they were just like they were before: fuck buddies. Only hardly the 'buddies' part at all. But they weren't now. And it was scary how now that she'd had him she didn't want to ruin it. As if it wouldn't end ruined anyway.

He was making her soft. Too soft. Soft enough to turn over, avoiding his eyes as she nestled close and deep into his side. Soft enough to be scared he'd pull away.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

There was a relief in his chest, as she curled up next to him. He found himself releasing a breath he didn't realize he had been holding as he pulled her close to him now, wrapping his arms around her her.

"Let's just forget the fight even happened," He murmured softly. It didn't matter now. He couldn't let it matter, let it infest and poison his mind like these sorts of things always did.

Even though he knew they'd probably get to the same end his relationships always came to, he really wanted to think it could be different. Somehow.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Her eyes closed to savor the warmth of his arms wrapping around her, and she finally relaxed, turning her nose into the crook of his neck to nuzzle his pulse in relief and penance. "Okay," she whispered, and then fell quiet for a hesitating moment. "I like the way you touch me," she assured him.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I'm glad," He whispered quietly, brushing his fingers gently through her hair. "I like touching you." Which was an understatement he felt almost addicted to the sensation of her skin, her curves, her hair, everything about her. No matter what, it wasn't enough. He always wanted more.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I never faked it or anything," she added, only a slight smile in her voice. One of her hands rubbed his chest, her shoulder shifting up further at the closeness of his fingers. "You don't need any lessons. Maybe a pointer or two, but nothing to bitch about," she said lightly, apologetically.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"Is there anything you've wanted me to try?" He asked curiously now as his fingers continued to comb through her hair gently. It was much easier to ask about when it didn't feel like she was attacking him.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She was smirking now, shuddering lightly at the soft trail of his fingertips against her scalp. "In due time," she answered playfully. "We could go... slower sometimes. It could fun. Torturing each other," she said sweetly. "What about you? Anything you want from little ol' me?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"I think I could manage slower," He said with a growing smirk of his own. It just felt so comfortable now, as if the fight had never happened.

He paused for a moment, thoughtful. There were things he had always wanted to try, but been too afraid to ask for. He wondered if it would be okay now. He supposed there was only one way to find out.

"Would you let me tie you up?"

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It wasn't as if it was the first time someone asked her the question. And it still grabbed hold of her insides and twisted until she was nauseous. She'd been tied up before. Held down. It was easy to ignore the less pleasant memories that filled her with shame. She had practice doing that, and all that was left was the turning of her stomach in reminder. "I don't know," she said flatly. "What would you do to me?"

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

The flat tone of voice made him a little nervous. Like maybe he shouldn't have mentioned it. He remembered only mentioning to one girl in the past, and she had freaked out about it. It hadn't ended well.

"It depends. It doesn't have to be much, it could be something simple, like that time you had me spank you."

Start out with something she's already comfortable with.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"I guess," she said, just as flatly. She couldn't help the gut reaction. The hesitation and the part of her that downright refused to do it. But... she had let him spank her. Her eyes closed for a moment, her breath going a little shallow, remembering how good the stinging pain had felt as he fucked her. "The last time I let someone tie me up it wasn't fun," she confessed vaguely, her tone guarded and accusing.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

"We don't have to do it," He said, though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed. "Or we could set up rules, if that would make you more comfortable. A safe word or something so that if you get too uncomfortable, we can stop."

Because what it really came down to was trust, right?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

His words just roused her up more--again. Her cheeks filled with blood and flushed pink, and it was more out of embarrassment than anything. Shame she couldn't even do the simplest of things. That she had to--that she was even explaining something personal to him and feeling like he brushed it off and threw it back in her face. She had to protect herself. "Yeah well, safe words can be ignored," she snapped back, hurt.

[specialmonster.livejournal.com]

Oh.

Oh.

It was beginning to occur to him that maybe there was a bigger issue going on here, and that he was brushing it off.

"I'm sorry."

And he was. And the last thing he wanted to do was start fighting with her again.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

If it were possible, she felt even worse. Even angrier. The weight on her chest closed in a little tighter, and it made her notice it, notice the lump in her throat and how her eyes were stinging for the first time. It was stupid. And it was a long time ago. And she didn't even know what stupid impulse made her bring it up in the first place.

"Why?" she shot back accusingly. "Why are you sorry?"